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29 October 2014

                                                                     


 DELIRIUM                                                             


The definition of delirium is a state of excitement and mental confusion, often accompanied by hallucinations, caused by high fever, poisoning, brain injury, etc This is what happened to me in March, 2014. My doctor had given me fluid pills to help lower my blood pressure, which it did, but this medication almost ended my life. I did not know I had a serious bladder infection at the same time I was taking the fluid pills. I didn't drink enough water and wasn't eating much and one day I just passed out and fell off the bed onto the floor and landed on my face. I woke up hours later at the hospital in Houston, Tx. I remember having seizures and my daughter crying but I did not know what happened. A week or more before this incident, I remember trying to write something on paper with a pen and I could not do it. I had dreams that were so real, I actually thought they were. I didn't realize I was slurring my words until a good friend told me. (Thank you Linda.) I could type but not write and I said weird and crazy things which haunt me to this day. I found out later that the fluid pills deleted all the salt and minerals from my body and the infection overtook my system. It was horrible. For two days I could not speak in the hospital but was aware of everything. When I did start speaking, I forgot certain words and talked very slowly. I spent 8 days in the hospital and had seizures for 7 of those days. I have never been so scared.
When I returned home, I could barely walk and my balance was off. I kept falling over and every time would bump my head on something. My legs looked like toothpicks and I weighed less than I ever have. All I ate for three months was veggie patties and berries.
What is strange about all this is that the only real lasting effects on me was that there are certain names I cannot remember and a few words here and there. I have a very evil cousin who is 20 years older than me and she caused me horrible anxiety and depression from lies she said about me. It's really funny but I can't remember her last name and only remembered her first name recently. I always loved snow peas but could not think of the name of the crunchy little bean like things. LOL I have to laugh at all the craziness now or I would really go bonkers.
Two months after me being in the hospital I lost a friend I had for 35 years who was like a brother to me. The depression from my illness and the loss of my friend has left me without the lust for life I once had. 3 years ago, my daughter and I were in a fire and lost so much. I guess depression from that still lingers too.
 I am trying to regain the personality back that I had before but it is hard. I have trouble walking sometimes due to degenerative bone disease and losing so much due to the fire really set me back. I don't take good care of myself like I should. I have been eating better and me even being on the internet is a big step for me. Writing always made me happy and I hope that happiness will return to me.
During the time of this delirium thing, I know I said and did crazy things, but that was not the real me.
I miss the old me, and I know others do too. Hopefully Stressed Little Hippie/Johnell will once again be that funny and sarcastic little trouble maker she always was.

05 March 2013

I don't live like a normal human being

Jack on the left (RIP) and his brother Squeaky
                                                             
I ceased to live like a normal human being a long time ago. During this last year I actually slept in a closet for two months and I also lost a friend and two kittens that I loved very much. I live with more than five chronic pain conditions but I try my best to put some type of humor in my life or living just wouldn't be worth it. This last year has been one of the toughest that I have ever had to endure. My love for humor seemed to escape me for awhile.

Sometimes I feel so discouraged and down that I want to run away like a wild teenager and not tell anyone where I went. After being in a fire and losing so much in 2011, I ended up moving to a town that I never wanted to live in again. Due to the lack of funds at the moment, I am stranded here for the time being. It has depressed me a lot and that's why I look forward to Spring so much. At least in the Spring in Texas I can start planting vegetables and flowers. I love to plant things and eagerly watch them grow. Picking the crops from my hard work is the best feeling. Believe it or not yours truly even made wild Mustang grape jelly last year from the grapes on this property and it was fantastic!

One of the main reasons I felt so down during this last year as I mentioned, is the loss of a really dear friend of mine named Brad Stout. Brad and I worked together at the Alamo years ago and he was such a delight. He died in his sleep of a stroke at the age of 59. Why do all the good guys always die too young? There are so many evil people walking the earth and they live to be very old and along the way they make us all miserable.

Also within the last few months, I lost two kittens that I cared for since they were born on May 11, 2012. The first to die was a kitten named Jack. He went through a bad period where one of his eyes was injured and he lost the sight in that eye. When he was first injured, I took him in and took care of him. I had to keep him away from my cats and my daughters cats because he was so small and so sick.  So I got a creative idea (I get a lot of those) and turned a closet into a small room with a litter box, cat bowls and my computer. I sleep on the floor anyway, so I slept on the floor with this sick baby kitten in the closet.  Most people thought I was weird and crazy but I didn't look at it that way and I'm quite used to being called weird and crazy. Ha! Honestly I enjoyed the quiet and peacefulness in the little closet room I made. I also brought in a tiny little miniature cat named Squeaky. He was Jack's brother and we called him Mini Me at first because he was so tiny. So Jack, Squeaky and I lived in this little room over two months all together. When I got tired of the humans, I gladly retreated to my little room. After Jack recovered I let him go outside to live again because he would sit in the window staring down at his siblings playing and he looked so sad. It was hard but I reluctantly let him go back out. About a month after I let him out, he was found dead near the road. It really hurt me. Then my friend Brad died. It was almost too much. The other kitten that died was named Stripe and it was only last week I lost her. She was very sick and all my nursing skills just weren't enough to keep her alive. My heart aches for all the losses I have had this last year and lifting my spirits is number 1 on my list to making my life better than it is now.

Good things have happened to me too. I met a wonderful friend online through Facebook and Ancestry.com  His name is R.G. After four decades of looking for my biological mother - my new friend found my biological cousins for me. (I will cherish him forever!) He encouraged me to write one of my cousins named Genevieve. Thinking of writing her made me so nervous. I was afraid of being rejected. After hours of giving myself a pep talk I finally wrote to my cousin Genevieve and she wrote back! Then I discovered a young cousin named Christina who has a daughter named Jazz. Very recently I connected with a male cousin named John. (He and I seem to be a lot alike.) Getting to know my new family is so wonderful and finding out the medical history of relatives was so important and finally I had some answers. It is all such a miracle to me. After all this time I finally feel like a complete person for the first time in my life. I love them so much already. My cousin Genevieve also sent me photo's of my grandparents and great grandparents plus great aunts and uncles. It was so thrilling to me! My friend R.G. also found a photo of my mother in an old newspaper from many years ago. It was the first time I have ever seen my mother's face. It made me cry with joy. I was adopted at birth and although my parents provided my adopted brother and I with all the material things we needed, I was very unhappy. I loved my adopted aunts, uncles and cousins, but I did not like the way my brother and I were treated. My cousins have been so wonderful during my search. They were my salvation when I was growing up. I had very bitter feelings growing up towards my parents but I will not dwell on it. It's time to put all that away and move on. I forgive them now that I am older and wiser, but it's not something that one can forget.

I haven't found my biological mother yet but R.G. found her trail. My mother married and we found out that I have a biological brother too. After losing my adopted brother almost 20 years ago, it is a big wish of mine to someday find my biological brother.

My biological mother's name is Catherine Theresa Townsend. She went by the name of Terry Townsend and her married last name is Borden. I think my bio brother's name is Tom. My mother was born in Wingdale, New York in 1929 and supposedly moved to California in the late 80's. It is my dream to find out what happened to her and my brother.  If you have heard of them, please write to me or find me on Facebook. The only Email I use is: johnellhughes@hotmail.com

On this page I am going to post a photo of the kitten I lost named Jack with his brother Squeaky. By the way, Squeaky is not a miniature anymore. He has grown so much. I tend to grow very large cats.

I give you my word I will write and publish a new blog post within the week. Thank you for your patience. I was sick for awhile and then I hurt my hands in a fall. I took way too long to come back. You reading my posts always makes me so happy. For some unknown reason I have a lot of readers and it's quite thrilling! If you like what I have written, please check one of the boxes underneath each story or comment. See you soon........I promise.

My biological mother Theresa (Terry) Townsend
                                                                   

24 June 2012

Lady J. and Rev. Scarekrowe introduce "Howling Dollhouse."

                                                                               
When I was 13 years old,  I went to my first concert. I was so happy to be going to this concert  because the band playing that night was, "The Beatles." My ticket was only $5.00 and it was a night that I will never forget.  Before the Beatles came along, music was not even on my radar, but after the concert, I was ready to Rock N' Roll."  As you've probably figured out, I am a little older than most of the concert goers by today's standard. I have seen some great bands in my lifetime and I am not done yet. Just to name a few of the bands I have seen, here goes: Led Zeppelin, Santana, Moody Blues, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Rolling Stones, Joe Cocker, Crosby-Stills-Nash and Young, The Animals, Eric Clapton, Traffic, The Eagles, Richie Havens, Poison, Ozzy Osbourne, Black Sabbath, Slayer, Marilyn Manson, Lamb of God, Juke Kartel, Supernova featuring Lukas Rossi,  Dilana with Magni, Dave Navarro, Motley Crue, Tommy Lee - and the list goes on and on. At this time in my life I write part time  for a commercial free Internet Radio Site, called Freedom United Radio and I write under the alias  Lady J.. (Find them at .http://furfm.wordpress.com/ ) They play fantastic music.in the Rock, Reggae, Hip Hop and Electronic genre. My friend Rev. Scarekrowe, (I call him SK and we met online)  is part owner of this radio site, and he asked me to critique a band called "Howling Dollhouse." After seeing so many bands and more, I feel like I am qualified to critique a band and hopefully do a good job. My friend SK is a tattoo artist and disk jockey, just to name a couple of his qualifications among many. SK is young and sports many tattoos. Now me, I am small in height and medium in weight and sometimes I have to use a cane to walk due to degenerative disease and 5 chronic pain conditions. I look like a sweet little older lady (ha!)and I don't have tattoos. LOL. If  you saw us both walking  together, you'd think - hmmm, now that is odd, what do those two have in common? But our differences is what makes a good  friendship even better! One of the things about us that we have in common,  is the fact that we love music and we want all of you to enjoy it too. SK and I are the perfect example of  Don't judge a book by it's cover.. So take our advice and check out this young and extremely talented band. It doesn't matter if you are young, old, rich or poor - good music is for everyone. 

Introducing: Howling Dollhouse:

Howling Dollhouse is a 5 piece band from Australia that really knows how to rock!! The band consists of Azazel on the skins, Benjammin' on the 6-string, Lee on the low 5-strings, Andy on keyboard and Trick Q. on vocals. Other than being talented, this band is definitely eye candy for the females and who doesn't like that?
Howling Dollhouse started their journey under the moniker ‘Into the Night’ in March, 2005. In 2007 they released their first 6-track EP titled ‘The Art of Honesty’, which served to classify the bands overall style. However, by the time the band released their first self-titled album in 2009, their sound was significantly different. The addition of Andy on keys opened the band up to new possibilities and by now the band was starting to feel more comfortable with their place in the music world. Their second album was mixed by Sylvia Massy (Tool, Red Hot Chili Peppers, R.E.M.) and Rich Veltrop (System of a Down, Tom Petty) at Radiostar Studios in California and mastered at Crystal Mastering in Victoria, Australia. .Their self-titled album was the culmination of years of persistence and an unwavering thirst to release great independent music. This group's first album and their current album was excellently produced by Melbourne, Australia's David Carr who has been involved with some great Australian artists in the past.  In 2011, the band decided that to blend perfectly with their new album and unique style, it was time to upgrade the band’s image. After long deliberations - the band decided to abandon their long standing title ‘Into the Night’ and adopt the new name ‘Howling Dollhouse’.This young and fresh band has something for everyone with songs full of meaning. Lead singer Trick has a beautiful voice and it changes up for each song, so the songs are very diverse.
More than being a fantastic band, H.D. has a heart of gold.. Freedom United Radio is creating an album which is a compilation of bands writing and recording original tracks for sale with proceeds to be given to project specific organizations. FUR's current project includes bands from the USA, UK and Canada. .Howling Dollhouse released their song, "All the Pieces" to be included in this album Freedom United Radio is compiling to sell for charity. I think it's so awesome that this band is kind enough to be involved with this project and to put aside personal gain in order to help those in need.. The current foundation that will receive the profits from FUR and their #teamPLASC Rock Vol. 1 album is the Willow Foundation. You can visit them at http://www.willowfoundation.org.uk/Home to find out more about this wonderful organization that grants wishes for very ill people.. To learn more about the album and this current project, go to www.teamplasc.com and save your pennies because the album should be released by the end of  the summer. "Howling Dollhouse" is just one of the talented bands contributing to this musical/charity project. To show your appreciation to this band, look up their music on iTunes and buy it! You will love every second of every song.that they have to offer. If this band can make me wiggle and jiggle and dance around the house, then think about what they could do for you!! I will keep you all posted so you can buy the album when it is released. Thanks for reading my blog! Peace and lots of love for my readers.....
                                                                             .



07 April 2012

Magical Mystery Tour of my Own

                                                                             
  For many years I have debated with myself, whether or not to write this story. My blog is about humor during the days when pain is most on my mind. I have never been scared to do daring things in my life. If you truly know me, then you will agree with that statement. I do not mean to shock anyone or have you change your opinion of me, but why write a blog if you're not honest?.... So here goes:
  When I was in my 40's I decided that I was going to take my first airplane ride ever and go to England alone. And I did. It was in the 90's A few years before 9/11 and things were more relaxed. 
  I bought a ticket to Manchester, England and made reservations at a Hotel for 4 nights.  I planned to take the train from Manchester to Liverpool and go to the last day of The International Beatlefest.  I was a Beatle fan from the age of 12.  The first concert I ever went to was when I was 13 and I went to see the Beatles, and it changed my life. 
  The Beatlefest was a yearly event. There was also a Magical Mystery Tour bus with tours of the Beatles houses, schools and the Cavern Club where the Beatles first played. You could go down Matthew Street in Liverpool and go to all the Beatle related shops and get every kind of Beatle memorabilia possible. I was finally going to go. I was ecstatic!
  I wanted to go to England since my teens so I still had visions of doing some things that maybe weren't ethical to some but would still be fun.  Long before this trip I had put my hippie ways behind me and quit smoking weed. But here I was 20 years late and I always wanted to smoke a little pot and ride a train to Liverpool.  So I made the decision to take enough for only about 3 or 4 puffs. I still thought it was worth the risk. I felt like I was 20 and still a hippie and still do to this day.  I know it wasn't smart but I did it anyway. I took a fingertip only of smoke and hid it onto my body and was indeed nervous the whole time I was traveling to Manchester, England. I rode a plane to Newark, N.J. which was my first airplane ride and I sat by an art student named Stephen. He held my hand when he saw I was a little nervous. He was adorable. The plane ride was awesome from N.J. across the ocean to Manchester. I drank wine all the way there with some fantastic British people on the airplane who were returning home from the U.S.      When I arrived in England it was 8 a.m.  I forgot that the time was 7 hours ahead, so when I arrived early in the morning to England, I was slightly drunk. I did not usually drink and I got carried away drinking with the Brits on the plane, because we were having so much fun.  I was standing in the airport looking for the EXIT sign when a female cop came up to me and asked me, "What was I looking for?" I told her the EXIT. She pointed to the sign that said WAY OUT and told me that all Americans were stupid." I felt so dumb, but she was a smart ass. I went and found a cab to take me to my hotel.  I love the taxi's in England, so I enjoyed the super fast cab ride to my hotel that morning. I checked in eventually after a two hour wait. I felt awful by the time I checked in.
  Finally I got to go to my room and I passed out for a long nap. That night I ate a huge BLT sandwich in my room and watched hilarious British comedies most of the night. The second night I went walking down the streets looking at everything. Walking to a store that had pizza, books, snacks and clothes. I also went walking in the heavy fog because it looked spooky. I didn't go far. I was thinking of Jack the Ripper and all kinds of things. I walked fast through the fog and late night and ran into the hotel. Whew! Scary but invigorating.
  After I arrived back at the hotel I went downstairs to the pub and there was a group of men (old and a little scraggly) sitting at a table nearest the bar stools. They invited me to sit down and I did. They bought me a Budweiser and they asked me questions about where I was from. With their heavy accents plus a lot of beer, at times I didn't understand what they were saying but I never laughed so hard at them. I enjoyed their kindness and spirit so much.  The bar was within the hotel and very safe. I stayed about an hour and then went back to my room to sleep.
  The third  morning I decided to take my few puffs of the secret stash I brought and go take that train ride to Liverpool. I was reliving my youth  and I was celebrating MY DAYS of being a flower child in the 70's and eventually turning into a sweet older lady. (hee hee) Older ages can be boring and I was not going to let anyone stop me from living out my dreams! I didn't have a pipe of any kind so  I crudely smoked it in a toilet paper roller and was feeling marvelous after the 4 puffs and then I was ready to take that train to Liverpool.
   I took a cab to the Picadilly Train Station. The cab driver flirted all the way there with me and again I was very flattered because he was at least 20 years younger than me. I was feeling great and couldn't wait to ride the train.  I made my way onto a train and across from me sat a small man holding a box with a huge padlock on it.  He was from Pakistan he told me but now resided in Manchester.  At one point the train went through a dark tunnel and only the dim lights inside the train were on and I must admit I was scared. He told me that he took tools back and forth from Manchester to Liverpool all day long and he kept glaring at me.  I had a shoe in my big bag with a heavy heel and I was ready to pound him if he got near. Finally I had arrived. I was so glad to be in Liverpool. He and I were the only people in the train car I was riding in and I was a nervous wreck. His toolbox with that big lock was very suspicious. After I got off the train, I walked extremely fast to get out of the strange man's sight. 
  After arriving in Liverpool I walked to a gift shop to catch a ride on the Beatle tour bus.which I think It was the Magical Mystery Tour Bus.  I rode a decked out Beatle bus with other tourists and listened to the tour guide and saw all the things I always wanted to see.  Ringo Starr's home, John Lennon's home as well as George and Paul's childhood homes and even the home of their manager Brian Epstein. We went by their schools as well as Strawberry Fields and Penny Lane.  It was a dream come true. I even got to leave a note on the wall at Strawberry Fields in memory of John Lennon, as everyone else did.
  I also got to drink a beer at the famous Cavern Club where the Beatles first played in their teens.  After the tour, I went shopping at the Beatle shop on Matthew St.  I bought some stuffed Beatle dolls and in the late afternoon I took the last train back to Manchester and go to my hotel.  When I got on the return train, I was alone in the train car I stepped into.  I was sitting there smiling to myself and reading Beatle books. I heard someone enter the car and was surprised to see it was the same creepy little man from the train ride in the morning on my ride to Liverpool. He said, "Oh I am happy it is you."  I was wondering why he would say it like that.  Again, he sat across from me and we are facing each other as we rode back to Manchester. He kept asking me questions about why I was in England, etc. I am the type of person that doesn't get scared often, but this guy was a creep and there was absolutely no one in the car and I couldn't understand why. There was never any train personnel in the cars I rode both times. I loved the ride itself, looking at the beautiful countryside.  I enjoyed watching the names of the little communities go by as our train clicked down the tracks. It was such an experience that I will never forget. At that time I  was so happy. The strange little man was making my dream train ride though an uncomfortable situation. Before we arrived, the little man with the "pad locked box" asked me-"Do you want to share a cab ride together?" My eyes bulged out and I said, No, I am waiting for a friend to pick me up." That WAS NOT true. Then he told me how we could both save money by sharing a cab. As we entered the train station, I got up quickly and hurried down the steps when the train stopped.  I saw a row of taxi's (I love all the old black cars) siting around the curb.  I walked fast and jumped in one because the little man was walking right behind me.  I ducked down in the back of the cab and asked the driver to hurry and take off.  He then told me that he "couldn't take me." I started to panic.  I said, "Why?" He said that they had to go in order and he was about 7 cabs back.  I told him I did not care and after negotiating he eventually took the chance and we left. I stayed bending down - so the other cabbies would not think he had a passenger. Often cabbies that do this, get harassed or even hit by other cab drivers (according to my driver) just for going before the cab in front of them. I gave him a 10 pound tip to make it worthwhile to him. I was having such a blast though. I was riding trains, meeting creepy little men with locked tool boxes, talking to British people everywhere, riding a Beatle tour bus, drinking a beer at the Cavern Club, eating beans and salad with warm tea, buying Beatle memorabilia and loving life!  
  When I arrived back at the motel in Manchester, I was in top spirits.  I went into my room and I almost passed out as I stepped into my room. I felt like a teenager who was busted by their parents. There were two men that worked for the hotel in my room and they were vacuuming the floor, picking up trash,  picking up clothes, apple peels, pizza boxes and a toilet paper roll with burn marks on it.  I was so embarrassed. I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. The night before I felt free.  No one was with me, so I could run around in my room with nothing on if I wanted to.  I could eat what I wanted and I didn't have to pick up after myself unless I wanted to. My room was a total mess.because I never expected the hotel to come clean my room when I was gone. My heart started to beat hard. As I stepped in and noticed all the things that had been dropped here and there were put away or gone.  Luckily the 2 gentlemen, smiled a lot at me and were very friendly.  I knew deep inside they were laughing and imagining what a lady my age was doing with all the stuff I had laying around. But I never had anyone say anything negative towards me. It seems I was the only one worried about it. England is a fantastic place and the people were the best thing about my trip.
  After 4 days in England, it was almost time to leave. I was so sad. I wanted to stay. But I was so happy. I lived my fantasies that I thought about in my teens and 20's. I only had myself to please and rely on. I pulled all the weight for this trip - From planning - to buying and anything else that needed to be done.
  With my hips being bad at the moment, I don't plan any return trips anytime soon.  If I get things fixed, then who knows? It's alright even if I can't go back because I did get to go once and I will never regret taking that final step to make my dreams come true. Ahhhh, to be young and carefree again.
 Peace to you all. Thanks for reading my blog!

18 March 2012

Wow I am finally back!


 Hello it is so good to be back.  8 months ago, I had just partially moved in with my daughter.  7 hours after we went to bed the night after I arrived, a fire erupted on the patio.  I awoke to a giant fireball approximately 6 feet behind me and the glass patio door.  I screamed real loud to my daughter who was in the bedroom asleep. Here we were facing a scary fire and with our cats, we were in a scary situation. My daughter bravely tried to find the cats and burned her feet.  I was pulled from the apartment by a fat, wild eyed naked man.  He was the crazy upstairs neighbor, we learned later that flicked the cigarette down through the wood patio slats that caught the patio on fire.  He grabbed my hand and yanked me out of the apartment and as I was running - he jerked my hand so hard I fell down quite a few stairs and onto the ground and hurt my knee very bad.
 We were all crammed into a one bedroom apartment with 6 cats.  My daughter had picked me up from San Antonio where I had lived for almost 10 years in an apartment.  Believe it or not, she came and got me because the apartment complex where I had lived, had a fire - two buildings away from my apartment.  5 buildings caught fire that night in August and two people were killed. Some people partying on a patio and grilling close to their apartment causing a huge fire. They were totally intoxicated from reports. The management was not keeping up with the other buildings including mine, so I had to leave. (My air conditioner broke and it was 98 degrees in apartment at night in a hot Texas month - August) I was devastated.  Now this!! I am not going to go into complete details yet but as time goes on I will feel better. The fire was not our fault but an upstairs neighbor.    The fire department rescued us and our 6 cats and I am so grateful.  We lost a lot of things but things can be replaced.. I lost mostly personal papers and documents but my most prized things like my briefcase with 33 years of memories regarding my friend who is an actor was spared and my school memories were thankfully o.k.  My daughter lost a lot of  things as far as furniture and things like that. It was very surreal.
  We moved into a temporary apartment for 30 days but then decided to leave the city and head to a small town and stay with long time family members (by marriage) in an apartment built above their home. I am so thankful to them for their kindness. They live in a rural (very far in the boonies for me - lol) small town and an added journey of a few miles down country road. Very different living that I was used to in my own apartment of almost 10 years. I used to have to put cardboard on my windows in my apartment at night on the weekends, in case their was shooting down the hill that went behind my apartment  Down the hill there was a bar, a dental center, laundry and a convenience store. (many people used a path right behind my apartment to get down there). I lived in a very scary (at times), section of South San Antonio.  I love the people down there, because they never, ever hurt or threatened me, but on the weekends a really lot of bad guys would come out for their tagging, selling and robbing activities. Where I am now is a whole different story.
  I am sitting today in the dining area looking down at rows and rows of fresh plowed crop fields. I see farm tractors, birds, trees and butane tanks as I sit and take it all in. Being here after 2 tragedies has calmed my system down tremendously.  I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and after the fires, I was ready to completely break down. I came here to save me and my family of cats.  They lived through a horrible ordeal and I can't write about that yet without breaking down. I have been fighting writer's block. I have had articles in national magazines, city newspapers and small town community papers.  I write children stories too and I completely lost my Will to Write..
 I am feeling good these days. While sitting here for months completely down I started smoking like a train again, so tomorrow after a doctor visit (I have the best doctor in the whole wide world - Sam Williams) I will try once more to quit but will succeed this time.
  My wonderful friends and family have given me such awesome support. Their letters, facebook comments, private messages and tweets have made me recover from all of this.
  I have osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, a spine made of titanium and horrible hip joints.  But I am most thankful that I have my ability to think, to reason, and to write.  The ideas once again are flowing through my head. So I must get busy.  I will be returning tonight to write some more. I am so thankful for all the people that read this blog.  I have had people in 13 countries read this blog on a regular basis and I thank all of you. Keep reading and I will keep writing. I have an update about finding my biological family coming up next. Through all of this, I had the most wonderful thing happen. After decades of searching, I have found my biological family. Keep checking for that story. Hugs.
.

20 July 2011

Sleepwalking, The Lack of Clothing and the UPS Man

                                                                         
 I have written about me sleepwalking in a previous post, but this was a totally new and funny incident I had to share  with you. Even though it is funny when I do it but it is also scary. A lot of people look at me like I am mentally disturbed when I tell them the things I do when I am sleepwalking. It took years before I discussed it with my family doctor, but to my surprise he knew all about it which was very comforting. The way my doctor explained this condition to me is that half of my brain is asleep and the other half is having a party or just being crazy! It has nothing to do with your mental state. Doctors always tell me I need to sleep more, but then the drugs they give me to sleep are the ones that make me sleepwalk. If you take the pills, you go to sleep, but you sleepwalk and eat tons of bad food, so the not sleeping has to be the healthier of the two options.
  Years ago I spoke about the sleepwalking with a work friend. It turned out she was a sleepwalker/sleep eater herself and had scarier things happen than I did. She traveled a lot and always takes the room nearest to the motel office. She lets the management know it might happen in case she is wandering around late at night. The main goal to the sleep eater is food. You search for and eat food that you might not eat necessarily eat when you are awake. Once my friend Ivy was on a trip away from home, and one of her biggest fears happened. She woke up one morning about 2 a.m. and she was in her car, by herself and she was sitting at a McDonald's drive thru. She was still in her nightgown and she said she felt like she was in shock after realizing she drove to McDonald's while asleep. She convinced her bosses to change her job so she wouldn't have to go on trips away from home. She never wanted to take that chance again. She was always alone and in strange towns, so her fears were more than justified.
  I don't think I have driven while asleep but I have gone outside several times and people have seen me and then they tell me of my bizarre behavior. It's embarrassing, especially when you hear the goofy things you have done. Once my daughter and a friend came to visit me when I lived way out in the country with a roommate about 12 years ago. The morning after they arrived they kept looking at me very strangely. Then I was asked, "Do you remember anything that happened last night?" Uh oh I knew what that meant. The kids said I was boiling a big pot of water on the stove and telling them I was going to cook some beans. Then I took a big piece of aluminum foil and held it up and told them, "Look what I made in art class today?" I mean, come on, what can I say after this?
  A couple of weeks ago I was expecting a package from UPS. About 4 p.m. I fell asleep on my bed watching television. I didn't wake up until about 10 p.m. I was so exhausted I didn't have trouble going to sleep at all. Then I saw the box from UPS in front of the door. The package was inside my apartment so the UPS man must have arrived after I fell asleep. After I fell asleep? Oh dear......... I was sleeping in a t-shirt and that's all and it was not a real long shirt either.. Pretty much I was hanging out all over. I obviously answered the door, took the package and signed for it, put the package inside and went back to sleep. I only hope I didn't step outside to sign for the package. I order things a lot and now I am in fear that the UPS man that delivered the package when I was almost naked and asleep will be the one to deliver the next package. In fact I am expecting a delivery tomorrow. I am going to sleep earlier than I usually do so I don't get sleepy tomorrow and repeat my actions. '-)
  I saw an episode of Dateline or Nightline a long time ago where they put hidden cameras in refrigerators and the kitchens of sleepwalkers and sleep eaters . I felt such comfort knowing I was not the only one that did this. There are thousands who do it. Ambien, the sleep aid has caused several people to drive while sleeping. I absolutely will not take Ambien. I did only once and yes I did the sleepwalking thing and ate so much I thought I would bust. (Not all sleepwalkers seek food, so I am more of a sleep eater. This is the term that most people use when speaking of the kind of sleepwalking I have.) I have found bowls, saucers and containers from sleep eating so many times. Once I found a bowl that I had eaten hamburger helper with grape jelly and salsa on top. I broke some of my teeth once eating a box of uncooked pasta. I've eaten cat treats too. Ha! I thought they were corn nuts in my sleeping walking state. My cats were pissed at me. Oh well...It makes me sick to even think I did that.
  Remember the neighbor that's rude and wacky that I mentioned in a previous post? She saw me during a sleepwalking episode. She said she had her dog out in the back walking him and I was at her door knocking. She had the door unlocked because she was just a few feet away. She said I went inside her apartment, then came back out, looked around and went back inside my apartment. She said I was yelling her name at her door. The fact that I went inside her apartment like that was the worst thing. I would never ever do something like that if I were awake.
 That's all for now. Thanks for reading my blog. I must go get some sleep so I don't freak out the UPS man tomorrow................ I decided to wear more clothes tonight while sleeping. ;-) Peace.....

18 June 2011

Hair Dye and No Water makes a very messy situation

                                                                     
 I have been neglecting my blog so it's time to get back at it!! About two weeks ago I was finally ready to dye my hair. I have been dying my hair since I was in my late 20's. The older I get, the longer a period of time I wait to dye it. It had been about three months since I dyed it and I was looking too old for my taste. Some people look good with gray hair but not me. It's only gray right in the front part of my hair and I just hate it.
 I got everything ready. I had the hair dye, the towels, the plastic gloves and the mirror all ready to go. So I mixed the solution and poured it all over my head. I had the plastic gloves on so I made sure I worked it into all of my hair hoping it would turn out like it should. I sat there the usual 20-25 minutes and finally it's time to rinse it out. But there was one thing missing I did not know about. The water!! The apartment management turned off the water so the plumbers could repair some pipes. No warning - nothing. We have a lot of trouble with the water pipes here and they are usually very good at informing us. But not this time!!
 Panic set in. I was standing there totally nude (I do that so I don't stain my clothes.) and I have a blob of hair dye in my hair, it's starting to get dry and I started imagining my hair falling out because I couldn't wash the dye out. I started searching for water everywhere. I had about two cups of bottled water left and that was it except I keep 4 bowls of water all over the apartment for the cats and it looked like I would have to use that. I had not cleaned and changed the water bowls yet that day so there were some pieces of cat food floating in a couple of them. I had no choice. I had to use it.
 I used the last of the bottled water and then one by one I used the cat's water. Yuk!! It was so cold and icky pouring that water on my head. I used all the liquid I had and then I had to use a towel to wrap around my head so the hair dye still left wouldn't drip everywhere. That was my intention anyway with wrapping the towel around my head. I got hair dye on the floor, a pillow, my blanket and of course the towel around my head was ruined for sure. I was so furious!! Goofy things always happen to me. I was a real mess. I was standing there nude with black streaks running down my neck, a towel on my head and a lot of black streaks on the kitchen counter and the floor! Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I started laughing. What a mess I had made!! My cats were looking up at me like I was a crazy lady and I guess I did look like one at that moment. There wasn't anything else I could do. Even if I put clothes on and went to my neighbor's it wouldn't do any good because no one else had water either.
 I thought for sure I'd lose my hair. I was trying to grin and bear it and then I remembered something that might be the solution. On the patio I had two gallon jugs filled with water for my plants. Hooray!! I wrapped a towel around me and reached out and got the two bottles. Finally I had enough water to rinse the dye out. It's a good thing too because it was two hours before it was turned back on.
 When things like this happen I try to see the funny side of the situation.  I think this comes with age. If that had happened to me when I was younger I wouldn't have handled it so well. I think I mellow more each passing year. There are some good things that come with getting older. I just have to learn and appreciate it more.

09 May 2011

Mother's Day and a promise to my biological mother AND Update

                                                                         
 You hear that expression all the time - "You can't miss what you never had." That's not true. I never got to meet or speak or even be claimed by my biological mother.
I missed my biological mother all my life and I still do. I searched for her for 30 years and then petitioned the court and got the adoption files and discovered that the spelling of my mother's name was spelled wrong. The first and second name.  When I got the State papers I also learned that my adoptive parents got legal custody of me after 5 months, which means I was adopted before the year wait that was required by law. My adopted mom told the court she saw my biological mother lurking around her relatives homes and she feared that I would be kidnapped. The thing I find really wrong about this is she was my biological mother! She wasn't some stranger.  I don't think anyone even gave her a chance. We moved quite a bit when I was growing up. It becomes more clear to me all the time.... In case my biological mother or my brother's biological parents tried to find us, it would be hard to do. When I was in the 7th grade the school principal came and got me and there was a woman on the phone telling me she was my biological mother. I found out later on it was my brother she was looking for. I was disappointed. I was hoping they were coming to get me.
 As for my biological mother, I know she did not fall off the edge of the earth!  I hope she made it back home to New York. This is a priority with me right now.
I promise you Catherine Theresa Townsend that I will continue to look for you the rest of my life. My mom was a New Yorker. NYC. She was Catholic and supposedly raised by her grandmother. She worked for the telephone company as an operator. She supposedly  got pregnant by a guy of Asian/Filipino heritage possibly and she followed him to Texas and did not get to him before he was shipped out in the Korean War. My family all claim not to remember anything about my mother. I do not believe that.
I miss you Mom. Who am I? She lived with my adoptive parents approximately five months before I was born. There is no way that no one remembered anything about my mom. I heard she was very beautiful and very kind.
 The secrets from the past should not matter anymore. I seek medical information. My daughter and I face painful days every day and I would like to give her and my other children answers to things concerning their health. Things to watch for that may have been passed down. Who wouldn't want to know that?

 UPDATE: Through the kindness of others my biological mother was found on a New York census. She lived with her grandparents and three uncles plus my grandmother Amy. Catherine was raised by the grandmother which is what I was told by someone who knew her. My great grandfather was 16 years older than my grandmother which would also hold true of the grandmother raising my mom because he might have passed on not long after Catherine was born due to his age at her birth. I found out my great grandmothers father was from Ireland~~ I never would have guessed the Irish connection. I absolutely love it. I feel like a whole person for the first time in my life. The next census which will be ten years after the one I was shown comes out in 2012. I can't wait to see it.
Thank you so much to the kind people I met on FB at the Ancestry.com page. You have changed my life for the better. Thank you for giving me such a gift. The biggest thanks goes to a new friend named Richard. He not only sent me records of the census but he continued to look and for the first time in my life, I knew my grandmothers, grandfathers, great uncles, great aunts names. Richard continued to search and found more information for me. More than I ever imagined I would ever know. We are continuing to look for my birth mother, who went by Terry Townsend.  (Catherine Theresa Townsend). She was from Wingdale, New York then to New York City when she got older. I am smiling a lot more these days. This means so much to me.




25 January 2011

One of the most embarrassing moments ever!


 Growing up I was such a tomboy. I played football with the boys in my neighborhood. Once I got in trouble in the 6th grade for hurting a boy. He was mean - so one day when he was drinking out of the water fountain I pushed his head down and he cut his lip on the metal. The next year I got in trouble for teaching everyone a new game I called, "Knock down - Drag out" You knocked them down and you had to drag them out of bounds. They told me, that I was a girl and I shouldn't play things like that.
 As I started to grow up and I sprouted boobs, the boys started tackling me a bit too much. They were trying to put the moves on me but all I wanted was to play football.
 I tried to dress more like a girl in high school but I never felt like I was sexy. I had great clothes to wear and I did attract people but I didn't have confidence in the way I looked.
 After I moved to Houston at the age of 19 I was a hippie and of course I wasn't into fashion or looks at all. It was great being a hippie. I had horrible taste in clothes so I loved being a slob and now I had a reason to dress that way.
 As time goes on I began dating someone and I really cared for him.. We dated a year and I started to notice there were a lot of sexy women working around him so I decided to clean up my act and show him I could be just as sexy and ladylike as the other girls were.
 We had  plans for a Friday night. so I went and bought a long silky kimono type gown that you wear around the house. I fixed  some snacks, lit a lot of candles, sprayed on my favorite cologne and I fixed my hair and I thought I looked pretty good. I was ready to show him the new me. (So I thought)
 When I opened the door he was surprised. He said, "Wow you look so wonderful" and I could tell he liked it. Everything was going really well. We ate the snacks and it was great. I hadn't spilled anything on the floor or on me. The snacks were even good. I left the room for a bit to get something to drink. When  I came back it happened! (Get your minds out of  the gutter. lol) As I walked by my big chair - the long gown got caught on the bottom of the chair!..... When I felt something tug at the back of the gown, I tripped and fell forward with a glass of tea in my right hand - I threw my arms straight out as I was falling and my glass and  I went down and just then I bumped into a small table with tall lit candles on top.  Then I fell on the ground and the candles caught the curtains on fire after I bumped the table that started a chain reaction. And the glass of tea I had spilled on the floor and all over an expensive book that was near the little table. 
  He grabbed the flaming curtains down and ran outside with them and threw water on them. As I picked myself up off the floor and as I watched him through the window, I couldn't believe what just happened. What would I say when he came back in? Well I didn't have to worry about that as I found out.
 After he came back  - he yawned and said it had been a long day and he needed to go home and go to sleep. No  kidding!!!  He's actually going to not like me because of my clumsiness? He called me a couple of months later but it  just never clicked again.
 Well it's his loss. I mean come on!  I can be great entertainment!! I obviously have never had a dull moment in my life. (Exaggeration - there were dull moments, just didn't want to admit it. lol).
  I look back at  it now and he did me a favor not coming back. It is extremely hilarious though isn't it?..  I have some really great stories I want to share with you. If I can make someone smile or laugh when they read about my crazy life, then it was worth it. Humor makes the world go round. Until next time....   Thanks for reading.
 Moral of the story is: Short hippie's should not try to be sexy again...

14 January 2011

Am I a bad mom if my cats are too fat??


                              Moo Moo enjoying his water fountain


  In 2008 both of my Siamese cats who were brothers passed away. Yodi passed away one month before he turned 15 years old. His brother Max died 6 months later. I felt like he missed his brother too much. Max made it to the ripe old age of 15 1/2 .  He was a chunky cat for many years but it never slowed him down,
  Yodi was slimmer and was pretty feisty himself, but Max was the most energetic and both of them were crazy characters.
  One month after Max passed away my daughter April found a little sickly yellow cat out in the rain in the parking lot where she lived.  The little kitten hid up under a Hummer and my daughter tried everything for hours and finally succeeded in rescuing him.  She brought him to me the next morning.
  This was the first kitten I had in fifteen years so it was really hard putting up with such an active and destructive little cat. I was used to older more calmer cats like Max and Yodi.  He has been spoiled so much since then.  It's all my fault too, I admit it. His name is Austin and he is now 2 years and 4 months old and huge. Probably I would say about 17 - 18 lbs.
  Every morning he hollers really really loud - so loud that I'm afraid that the guy in the apartment above me will think he's being hurt or something. So I jump up to stop his noise. It's so irritating. He loves his Hill's dry food but every morning he wants his Fancy Feast can food. Sometimes if the flaked fish that Austin craves is not available I can put a can of Chicken feast with gravy down, but not often. He is so picky and I am an idiot for catering to this cat's every whim.
  On Austin's 1st birthday he was sick from a urinary tract infection and I took him to the vet. I wanted a brother for Austin so I told them at the Vet's clinic I wanted to adopt a young cat if they knew of anyone that had young cats and preferably I wanted a gray striped cat if I could find one..  Gray stripes were always my favorite cats when I was a kid.  They said they had some cats in the back. I went back to look and I saw a noisy little gray striped cat right away in a pen with two other cats and they called him Moondoggie.  It was love at first sight.  (O.K. I shortened that to Moo Moo.)  Funny cat names. Anyway Moo Moo went home with me that very afternoon.  I found out later on that he was actually two years old and not one year like they had originally told me.  I never knew there were cats to be adopted in the back of this vet's office because there were no signs and no one ever mentioned it. At times there were a few cats that would be walking around in the waiting room when I would wait during my visits there. I just always assumed the 3 or 4 cats just resided there because one of the cats bless her heart had a really bad deformed foot and the two or three other female cats I saw were really overweight cats and seemed older.  Later I saw the tiny little pens some of these animals stay in by themselves. They are nothing more than cubby holes. When Moo Moo first came home with me he had a real long belly hanging down even though he was real thin.  He also has trouble drinking out of a bowl.  They left a couple of faucets on for all those cats to drink out of at the clinic and they let them roam a lot in the back .Moo Moo hollers and cries and I  have to turn a faucet on in the bathroom so he can get in the tub and drink water out of the faucet.  If he drinks out of a bowl - he drinks sideways and licks the bowl around the edges. After drinking out of a faucet for two years, he just can't seem to completely adapt to drinking out of only bowls.  I have four bowls of water in this small apartment for them to drink from but Moo Moo still has to have some faucet water or he cries and cries. My two cats love to complain.
 It didn't take long after we adopted Moo Moo, for Austin and him to start playing. They are brothers for sure now and they fight like brothers too. It feels so good to give a cat a home. It hurts that you can't help more, but I have taken in and adopted tons and tons of cats during my lifetime. I just have to raise rescued pets on a smaller scale than I used to.
  Now people are really into fighting pet obesity problems! I don't know if I would go that far yet.  My pets always seem to get fairly chunky but they play a lot, they drink bottled water and they eat the best of foods. They are groomed and brushed every day but they are too fat according to what Vets are now promoting. A Vet told my daughter one of her pets was too large and her cat isn't nearly as fat as Austin. My Vet hasn't seen Austin in a year so I am not sure what she would say.
 I do try and play with them more now since I heard so many people getting on the Slim Down Your Pet kick all over the place.  Moo Moo loves to bring me bits of paper that he wants me to roll into  paper balls and throw for him to fetch. We play this a lot. He has dozens of toy balls and toy animals and yet he picks a piece of trashy paper to play with. He can jump up in the air and catch the paper ball with his front paws too just as if he were playing baseball. I'm going to try to video that real soon.
  And my spoiled Austin can open anything and get into anything.  He is huge but he jumps on the counters and on top of the refrigerator.  He opens the cabinets with the dishes in them and if he wants to knock something out on the floor he does. He also loves to sit up and bat this toy glove I have with strings hanging down for cats to grab. When I see him and Moo Moo so active I  don't feel any guilt that they have gotten so big and maybe I am wrong, I do want the best for them.
  I am home all the time so I am looking into making my cats some healthy foods just to try it out. It seems a lot of people are willing to look into making their own pet food.  I will keep you posted.
  For now I am not going to feel guilty they are bigger and just continue to give them the best care. If I saw that  they were having problems I would most certainly correct anything I could for them. I love my boys. My life would be so lonely without them.
  In the photo right above this line is Baby Austin at two and a half months old. Below is Austin in the next photo which was taken a short while ago and he's now 2 years 4 months old, Max is the next cat and is lying sideways in his old blue chair, He passed away at 15 1/2 which is his age in this photo. Then there is Yodi the gray Siamese who is the brother to Max.  Yodi passed away just one month before he turned 15.  At the bottom is silly silly Moo Moo who is 3 1/2  years old from all that I have been told.. He is so much fun to dress up I could not resist. He is always making me laugh. They both do. I am a lucky kitty mom.




11 January 2011

Crap my neighbor says



 I wasn't going to write this about my neighbor but after nine years of living next to her I feel like I need to just get it off my mind.When I first moved here 9 years ago I told her my name was J. (edited version) and she said, "Oh that's a weird name, do you have another name? I looked at her and bit  my tongue but voluntarily told her my first name which I do not like to use but it t is the name she calls me by. It's a simpler name for her to remember. Would you tell someone that? That was m first encounter with her. Irritating huh?

 I like to cook at times, and I will make lots of food and I have given them tons of meals and she always says the same thing,  "Oh I really don't eat things like that, but I will give it to Edgar."  And honey I make fantastic food. Roast, bar-b-que, chicken, I can cook it all. I love to share with others and every time I showed kindness and generosity like that I would have to ask her once I saw her again, "How did you like the food?" I would have called someone who gave me something like that and thanked them after enjoying their food. Once she was going to fix Edgar wieners with tomato sauce and then she stood there just looking at me knowing she smelled me cooking and she thought she'd go ahead and get another free meal. But the meals she wanted were for him so she did not have to fix him something when he got off work. I took a burden off her shoulders quite a few things just with this kind of gesture.
 Last Christmas, she called me after she had been gone about two hours out of town.  She calls me and this is how she words it:  "I left my door keys in the flower pot by your front door." "You don't have to do anything unless there is some emergency." This was on Christmas, when I have company when I am trying to have my own holiday celebration.  So I go over and check on her dog Buster and her cat, which she doesn't even have a real name for yet, Poor cat. Just Kitty is his name -  But I guess that's o.k. I just try to pass on things to her about cat care because she will ask me for some. But she doesn't take what I tell her to heart she will try what someone else said. I am serious. Just so I can say, "Yes I checked on your animals and even though they have to live with you, they are fine." That's what I really want to say but I don't.
 I can't tell you how many times she has called me and said this "I am not at home but could you stick your head outside and see if you smell smoke?"  I will say, "Why?" She has had varying excuses.  One is "I think I left the coffee pot on." or "I left my curling iron on." If she knows she left them on, then why didn't she turn them off?  No, she wants to call me, so I can sit there for a couple of hours and wonder if the apartments will burn down.  These are the times she doesn't leave a key. She just wants to know if I smell smoke.  And if I did?  I guess she thinks, I will crash in her windows and jump in the fire and save her animals. I can't figure out where her reasoning comes from.
 Not long ago, she told people that I was mean to her when she called and all she did according to poor little whiney was ask me one question.  Know what she asked me?  How does she turn off her boyfriends desktop computer?.  This is how it goes -"What button do I push to turn it off?" I said, "What button did you push to turn it on?" She says, "I don't remember." I told her this: "Then unplug the damn thing." I guess that was just too too blunt for her. Honestly, people come on!. If she woke you up to ask you this, what would you have said to her?
I have been called over on every holiday when they could not log on the internet. I could not count the amount of times I have shown them and done it for them. It's a lot worse but I just can't write about it here yet.
 Her and Edar, like to go to Louisiana to gamble on those overnight bus trips, I feed  their dog and cat and walk that dog and it's sometimes hard for me if I am having painful days. The last time her dog pooped on the carpet, I gag so easily but I picked it up and when she called to check on the animals, she said: "I bought you some carpet cleaner you could use."  Did yall see that folks? She bought me some carpet cleaner to use. OMG!!! Then when she got the cat, I was wondering if she could figure out how litter and boxes and all that work. Well, she put litter in a cardboard flat box for the cat, but wanted me to pick up his poop with a piece of toilet paper and throw it in the toilet.  I told her, "No I can't do that." Buy a scoop and use it. She seriously did not buy one and still does this I guess with picking it up and Oops I have to go throw up just thinking about her ignorance!
 Do you know what she pays me to do these things for her? Nothing.  Her other half told her once, she did not need to pay me, I was a neighbor and friend and I should be glad to help.
 Every time I have given her a birthday or Christmas gift, she has asked me for the receipt so she can get the money for it, so I purposely would throw it away. She still took it back. I put up with things for a long time for the sake of peace. I try so hard to be a good neighbor and hopefully a friend. I don't know why anyone would be so rude and crude after being treated so well by me.
 It's lease renewal time and I am going to try one more year. It will be more difficult now because this is an update to let you know I finally told her what I thought. I just could not hold it in anymore. I may tell you guys soon about the whole deal. I just suddenly feel like I can breathe deeper and I feel more at ease. Thank you all and the man upstairs for all the support.
 I have to learn not to lie down and be a rug for others to just walk over.


29 December 2010

Rockstar Friends Are Just the Best

 In 2005 the show Rock Star was on television.  The first season was with INXS and J.D.Fortune was chosen to join the band.
 In 2006 the show returned and Tommy Lee, Gilby Clarke and Jason Newsted were looking for a singer for a newly formed band called Rock Star Supernova.  Lukas Rossi from Toronto Canada was the winner.
 During the Supernova year, I searched for a place to talk about rock music and I found one. Many people were already there, to support Lukas Rossi.  We had voting marathons and everyone was determined to give Lukas Rossi the job with the band.  Lukas was mesmerizing. I picked him and Toby Rand as the ones that were far above the rest. Turns out Lukas and Toby were roommates and became very good friends.
 It was a great show. I met and bonded with so many people. As time went on there were arguments and personality conflicts, and some of us became separated by personal feelings.
 There was a group of people who tried to prevent anyone including Lukas from being happy. It got pretty bitter. They even had a hateful blog and they tortured many people but mostly Lukas and Kendra.
 I stepped away for awhile because I could not deal with some of the drama and hate that was going on.
 But there were people, like me who made friends for life. Those friendships mean the world to me. I don't have a lot of family, so friends are the family I choose.
 Just this morning I was exchanging silly comments on FB with one of those friends, Marcia. She is one funny chick. During really rough times I bonded with Richelle another Lukas fan and we spent many nights talking and her friendship really helped me. There are newer friends I still meet that are Lukas fans, like Stacy and Stephanie. There are other Lukas fans that call themselves Lukatics and the Rossi Posse and that included Corinne, Sandra, Melinda, Lady Karelle, Toby and so many others. Sometimes I sort of adopt some of them, like Nikki P. and Summer.
 There are even guy Lukas fans that I have gotten to know, like Adam, Chris T., and Donovan T. So many types of people. This is a tribute to Lukas Rossi. He has made young and old come together to enjoy his music and all music.
 During 2007 Lukas and Supernova toured and the majority of us were lucky enough to have gone to one of those concerts. Lukas continues to tour with his new band Stars Down and as a solo artist. He is married to his love Kendra. I am sure there will be some little Rossi's close down the road.
 This story ends well.  Lukas is doing fantastic now and he and Kendra are very happy. As far as the evil doers go, they finally took their hateful blog down and finally some of us had some peace. Happy New Year friends!!!

30 November 2010

I Finally Have Answers

  After waiting three months to see my pain doctor, I couldn't believe today was really happening. My pain has worsened over the years so finally getting to see my doctor after being rescheduled three times was truly a happy thing for me.
  I finally found out what some of the problems are concerning my spine! Well I know people out there that know me in RL are laughing because you are thinking "You have lots of things wrong with you!" Let's just say then that I know what is causing some of the stabbing pain in my left leg after years of guess work from me and the tons of physicians I have seen since my back surgery.
 I have titanium in the lower half of my spine that has been attached to my spine and screwed together since I had back surgery called a Laminectomy in 2002. Since my back surgery, I have had so many problems. The worst problem is the pain.. The MRI I just had showed the area right above where the neurologist put the titanium, is an area that the spinal canal is too narrow causing me to have spinal stenosis.
Spinal Stenosis is a narrowing of areas in the back or neck which causes pressure on the spinal cord or one or more of spinal nerves. It looks like it might have gotten that way before surgery but it was not taken care of and was worse two years after surgery;
 Then right below that point, one of the disc in my back actually has a small tear in it ( it shows up as a black mark on the MRI). He showed it all to me and explained everything so well. I am very interested in the details like this so it was a rare treat to hear a doctor tell you everything detail by detail.
  We talked about nerve blocks. He said I should have one. I knew that was a lot more intense than the last procedure, but with no hesitation  I said, "Let's go." I was ready to get it over with. So before the procedure I asked him about my neck and the pains I experience and how I was starting to feel hunched over and how I felt like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I am always overwhelmed with the hip and back pain I forget to take care of horrible pains and stiffness in my neck and upper back.
   Another reason I don't mention the neck is that years ago I went to a doctor for back pain and after I told him of my back pain I mentioned the neck pain.  He said, "You can't fix everything so just be glad something might get fixed!" That was his answer and I never went back there. So Dr.G is scheduling me a neck MRI and physical therapy.
  So now, I am off to the procedure or torture room, which ever you prefer. Ha! O.K. when I get these injections it's so spooky that I can see inside of me when they put their imaging machine over me. Today I got to see the way my back was really put together with the screws and wires and other stuff. It was so mind boggling, I still can't understand how all that stuff that is attached inside my back holds me up.
  To put  me at ease Dr. G said, "See that screw is loose in your back!" I said, "Oh no!"  He said, "Not really I just wanted to see if you were alert."  I actually laughed a lot. He was trying to make me feel at ease because I was very nervous for some reason.
  I did not want to watch the needle going in.  Nope, too much detail. So I had to put my head in a donut type of thing looking down at floor. After they sterilized my back, he said he was going to begin and it would feel like a little sting.  Wow, it was!!!  He injected me several quick times.  I said, "That wasn't too bad."  He said, "I haven't done it yet, those were the numbing injections." Ugh, I thought to myself, watch out here comes the pain! Then I felt it. Oh holy Batman, it felt like it went through me!  Owwwwww. Let it be over!!!  I started counting 1, 2, 3,4,5,6  and he says, "I'm so glad to know that you CAN count!!"  I started laughing and raised up my left hand behind me with two fingers raised. The pointing finger and the middle finger. He said, "Are you going to flip me off?" I said, "No, I raised two fingers, you take your pick."  We both were laughing. The nurse wasn't. Oh well, you can't win them all. LOL  I was laughing so much I forgot all about the pain. He had passed my test.  He helped me by making me laugh, which is one of the reasons I have this blog. Through my pain, I always try to find my sense of humor, because I truly believe smiles and laughter can truly make you feel better.
  Dr. G was the perfect doctor from beginning to end.  He might be grouchy next time, but I don't mind anymore. I am so happy with the outcome of my appointment. I had answers for the first time in so many years.
  I had the long awaited answers to why something was going terribly wrong with my body. I felt faint in the beginning after finding out the doctor actually had some answers for me. It's something I looked forward to.I finally had solutions to easing my pain that had never been offered before. It took years and many many doctors, but having the answers means everything. I have so much I want to do so getting better is my priority.
   Enough with the serious stuff. I want to go to a concert within the next few months. It's been too long. I need to go mingle among the young and exciting people for awhile. When you get in a rut you need to go out of your everyday boring zone and experience some live music. It revives your soul and gets your blood pumping again. I know, isn't it great an old chick like me still goes to rock concerts?

21 November 2010

Doctor Appointment, High Blood Pressure and Banned Medication! Holy Crap!


  O.K. Where do I begin? I finally went to my regular M.D. Doctor M. He's so nice to me, but it is a bit rushed at times and we never get in sync with the medications but as I get to know him better and he know me, it will straighten out. He said. "He hated seeing me like this. So much pain walking.
I told him about my blog that I try to insert some humor into my tales of dead ends, grumpy doctors, pukey medications and more troubles than one person should have to deal with.
 My blood pressure was 185 top number. He is troubled by this. He gave me an added blood pressure medicine to take with my usual and I haven't taken it yet. I am so afraid of taking a drug I know nothing about.  He also put me on a seizure medicine that also acts to ease nerve pain. The nerve pain was a tiny bit better today. Well now if I had my pain medication I would be a lot better. The doctor ordered it for me on Friday and guess what??? The FDA banned Darvocet and Darvon on Friday. My prescription went from being in the bin waiting for me, to taken off my online pharmacy account.  There's not even a trace anymore that this drug was ever in my file which is kind of shady to me they deleted all that info.
  So I have been resting all weekend, sort of. But the pain is very bothersome, especially today - Sunday. I won't go into detail.
 Can you believe the bizarre things that happen to me? My MRI still has not been read, I have it. I looked at the MRI myself and it's pretty creepy looking. It came with a CD too which is kind of awesome except for the fact, it's yourself - inside of yourself you are looking at. Eek!  So do I go back to regular doctor and ask for different pain medication or wait till 30th in pain and go to pain doctor and get medication? The Co Pay for the Pain Doctor is very high, so I will have to weigh all my options first.
  I think the blue moon is tonight. I need to unload all the photo's in my camera and take some night photo's later..
  I used to love to sit outside and look at the stars and all of nature, When you're young and staring at the sky, you are probably wondering what the future holds.  Now I wonder how much of a future I have left.

30 September 2010

Sleepwalking, Sleepeating, Chronic Pain and Cat Pills???



I am a sleepwalker that does crazy things when I am in a deep deep sleep. The reason I am mentioning it right away is that if you get to know me, and you receive a strange coded message someday, you better find out if I was awake or not when I left it. lol
 I think I first noticed  it when I was about 19 years old. I lived in a rough part of Houston alone. 
 I didn't cook so I ate a lot of cheese sandwiches and tried to stay in and be safe.. Strange things were starting to happen though in my apartment. Things sometimes looked like someone had been there and moved things around because I never have any recollections of the things I have done.

 So, one day I go to the frig and What? My cheese was gone!!!!  I was sure that creepy maintenance guy was coming in and eating my food. Grrrrr! What a rat he is!! It upset me but I wasn't quite sure what I would do about it.
 Then one morning I woke up with scratches on my legs and the chain on my front door had been opened and the door was unlocked! I was terrified!!
 Then another day I found tons of cheese wrappers hidden under my bed and in the closet, etc. I finally figured out it was me that ate the cheese!! How embarrassing!!  I bet the maintenance guy really hated me.  I told Mrs. M the apartment manager that I thought the maintenance man stole some of my food. I was scared then. So instead of facing him, I decided I would just move.
 I didn't tell anyone about it for years. I just became more careful. I thought they would commit me.  I didn't know anyone else did this.
 Through the years I have entertained others while I am walking, talking, cooking, rambling or whatever - all while I am asleep. I have been humiliated but I've also made others laugh. So what the heck?
I have eaten dry cat treats - I guess when I was asleep I thought they were corn nuts. I woke up once choking on a Tootsie Pop. Luckily the stick was not down the throat.  Just the huge ball of candy. Ha. I have found bowls hidden under my bed.  Hamburger helper with jelly on it?  Oh jeez it makes me want to barf.  I have always had nausea problems and now I know why.. I broke off some teeth by eating uncooked pasta shells.
Well they have tried everything. But if they give me strong tranquilizers, that I refuse to take now at all, because I will still sleepwalk but  be really stoned too. Nothing worse than a stoned deranged sleepwalker. 
 If I take Ambien or other medication in that class of drugs - it's worse.  Half my brain is asleep and the other half is in a world of fantasy and craziness.
So at night I keep all my pills and stuff in a large plastic container so the cats can't get in there. My allergies have really been acting up.  So I would pop open the container and grab some pink Benadryl allergy pills.  One day in the daylight, I noticed that the newer allergy pills were all pink.  Not pink and white.  Upon further inspection I discovered that I put a sleeve of cat pills in the storage bucket with my personal things.  I  got them from the vet. They were supposed to help my kitties. OMG I was eating cat pills. Know what's really weird?  I felt great.  No kidding. I felt like running around the house and scratching something!  (Not really - well the scratching part anyway. lol.)  So today I looked up the name of the cat pill on Google. It's supposed to help animals with joint problems (this is not what I was told about the pills) and I have that problem too. So did the cat pills make me feel good? The shot I got from the pain doctor wore off and then I quit taking the cat pill and I am in more pain.
But I have eaten lots of strange things including cat treats in my sleep  and I survived.  Maybe I have discovered something here. I wonder what would happen if I took the cat pills for joint problems all the time?  Would I play at night more?  Would I scratch the furniture? Would I meow all night? Probably not, but it's a thought.