29 October 2014



The definition of delirium is a state of excitement and mental confusion, often accompanied by hallucinations, caused by high fever, poisoning, brain injury, etc This is what happened to me in March, 2014. My doctor had given me fluid pills to help lower my blood pressure, which it did, but this medication almost ended my life. I did not know I had a serious bladder infection at the same time I was taking the fluid pills. I didn't drink enough water and wasn't eating much and one day I just passed out and fell off the bed onto the floor and landed on my face. I woke up hours later at the hospital in Houston, Tx. I remember having seizures and my daughter crying but I did not know what happened. A week or more before this incident, I remember trying to write something on paper with a pen and I could not do it. I had dreams that were so real, I actually thought they were. I didn't realize I was slurring my words until a good friend told me. (Thank you Linda.) I could type but not write and I said weird and crazy things which haunt me to this day. I found out later that the fluid pills deleted all the salt and minerals from my body and the infection overtook my system. It was horrible. For two days I could not speak in the hospital but was aware of everything. When I did start speaking, I forgot certain words and talked very slowly. I spent 8 days in the hospital and had seizures for 7 of those days. I have never been so scared.
When I returned home, I could barely walk and my balance was off. I kept falling over and every time would bump my head on something. My legs looked like toothpicks and I weighed less than I ever have. All I ate for three months was veggie patties and berries.
What is strange about all this is that the only real lasting effects on me was that there are certain names I cannot remember and a few words here and there. I have a very evil cousin who is 20 years older than me and she caused me horrible anxiety and depression from lies she said about me. It's really funny but I can't remember her last name and only remembered her first name recently. I always loved snow peas but could not think of the name of the crunchy little bean like things. LOL I have to laugh at all the craziness now or I would really go bonkers.
Two months after me being in the hospital I lost a friend I had for 35 years who was like a brother to me. The depression from my illness and the loss of my friend has left me without the lust for life I once had. 3 years ago, my daughter and I were in a fire and lost so much. I guess depression from that still lingers too.
 I am trying to regain the personality back that I had before but it is hard. I have trouble walking sometimes due to degenerative bone disease and losing so much due to the fire really set me back. I don't take good care of myself like I should. I have been eating better and me even being on the internet is a big step for me. Writing always made me happy and I hope that happiness will return to me.
During the time of this delirium thing, I know I said and did crazy things, but that was not the real me.
I miss the old me, and I know others do too. Hopefully Stressed Little Hippie/Johnell will once again be that funny and sarcastic little trouble maker she always was.